After the Mediation (March 24, 2022)

I’m a continuing Sakyong student. I don’t think there are going to be a lot of Sakyong students coming to these conversations, I don’t know, but I wish there were. I think we have to do this, meaning all of us. I don’t know how it’s supposed to work, but I think somehow it needs to work, one Shambhala.

I’m a student of the Sakyong. And I’m just pedaling around, trying to figure out what’s going on. I’ve had trouble with this lineage since almost the very beginning, and I’m still here, 40 odd years later. And so in a way, nothing’s changed. But in a way, what happened? It feels like it’s just pushed what’s always been there to the surface, and now I can’t shut myself about it anymore. And that’s very uncomfortable, and challenging.

As much as I want to move forward with the Sakyong I don’t know how we do it. It doesn’t feel right anymore. I consider myself as an adamant part of a group last couple years, and I don’t think it’s right. It’s just not going to work the way it’s turned out. That’s my sense.

I find myself now feeling really grateful for this opportunity, and I realized that I really need a lot of this to process everything, and it’s really helpful. So thank you to the people in my group.

When I shared, there was one particular thing that I spoke to that I could feel the strong feelings arising me and that kind of intensity come up, like okay, there’s still a lot here, and then noticing a worry that I had hurt the other members of my group in some way, feeling worried about the impact of those strong feelings on others. And I guess kind of maybe recognizing the tension that still exists, that is still being worked through. We’re all still in different places and that’s perfectly fine.

It’s been utterly impossible for me to see how it’s supposed to work. I am certain that it can work. And I just had this thought. Maybe it’s time to start thinking about a congress, a worldwide post-COVID, in person and online, hybrid Congress in which the Board of Directors actually asked the Sakyong to give an address as an invited VIP teacher, its lineage holder. But he’s not hosting it. Shambhala is hosting it in one year, or two years, or three years.

The picture that I’ve always had of Shambhala got blown up. So what is Shambhala now? And rather than feeling freaked out and angry or panicked, that there’s these like 8000 people who are all understanding how it is to sit in the middle of their lives. And we’ve all done it together, and we are still family. And we’re all acknowledged, like, I’m going to move out now, I’m going to university next year, we’re getting a divorce, and we’re still family. I think we’ll be scrambling for to figure out what is binding us, but I think I already know, but I don’t have a picture of it yet. And trying to look for the picture and not find it, diving into that space I think is a wonderful opportunity, and it’s also pretty scary.

If we can bridge this and say, listen, we’re in relationship with you people, if we can do that, I think this is that would be really, really good. I think it will be successful.